Fruit of the Spirit? Or a Salad of Sin?
They reenact the great stories of faith. They teach valuable lessons in morals and spiritual values. They sing silly songs that our kids sing along with. So what’s the matter with the Veggie Tales?
How about a complete lack of obedience when it comes to God’s command to get married.
I know you’ve watched their videos a hundred times, maybe even played with their toys. But did you ever stop to consider the example the Veggies set off camera? This writer has, and let me tell you… the things that I learned may shock you.
These are no veggies of virtue. Truth is, they’re more like a salad of sin, starting right at the top with Bob. Thoughtful, insightful straight man Bob is a saucy ladies man away from the garden set. Bob bounces from relationship to relationship faster than a basketball dribbled by Pistol Pete Maravich. And Bob likes ‘em young! Recent reports have the tomato dating Lindsay Lohan, Mandy Moore, Ashley Olsen, and most recently Jessica Simpson. I tried to find out who he is currently dating, but it’s just so hard to catch up. The ladies call Bob a real sweet talker, but when it comes to commitment, ha! Forget it.
One might expect similar behavior from funny man Larry the Cucumber, but Larry has an equally disturbing legacy. The product of a one parent family, Larry never learned how to treat women thanks to the complete absence of a father-cucumber. Thus, girls that date Larry end up in a pickle, deciding whether to stick it out with a mani depressive veggie or move on to greener guys.
Most disturbing is the buzz I hear about the French Peas. These wild party boys from the Riviera are known to fly off to Southeast Asia for weeks at a time, gambling their hard-earned money on life or death cage fighting matches. They’ve even been known to party til the wee hours of the morning with Joran Van Der Sloot in Aruba!
Perhaps you’re saying to yourself, their private lives don’t matter, so long as it doesn’t hurt my kids. But let me tell you two kids they have hurt: Katie Carrot and Junior Asparagus.
To begin with Katie has no sense of self-esteem. She, like Bob, bounces from relationship to relationship in search of acceptance, finding heartache and empty promises in the arms of losers. She was recently spotted at a Hollywood club, partying with the Coreys, allegedly going steady with Feldman.
Junior’s an even sadder case. The product of a loving family and godly parents, Junior’s association with non-committal adult figures like Bob and Larry has had the greater impact. We all remember when poor Violet Parr (aka The Invisible Girl of the Incredibles super hero family) checked herself into the Betty Ford Center after a rather unpleasant break-up with the little sprout!
What’s wrong with the Veggies can be cured with the same thing that will cure all the lonely hearts that come to this website: marriage. Binding covenant marriage is the only cure for straying tomatoes, manic cucumbers, and rioting peas. What’s more, it’s the only hope for their children. Here’s hoping Bob, Larry and the gang will teach their viewers – and themselves – another lesson in obedience to God before God strikes them all dead.
